I started going through some old journals today. While flipping through the yellowed pages of years past, I not only found the inspiration I was hoping for (and some pretty funny doodles) – I stumbled upon validation as well (with a good helping of cringe-worthiness to balance it out). Everyone always asks, “What would you tell your younger self?” Today, I learned that maybe a better question would be, “What would your younger self tell the present you?”
I figured I’d share some of the poems from my old journals with you. We’ll call this “Part I” because I have more journals to go through. These “Part I” poems were all written the year I graduated from high school and started college. Please, bear with me and my younger self.
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Poems from the Past: Part I | 2009
ABOUT: PHILOSOPHY & LIFE
Sky
Beautiful blue sky
The world’s eye
Tears are pain
Why the rain?
Time
Time seems to run out
Like words running off the page
Time has two hands
And four legs
Identity
I’m surprised that you survived
Opened my eyes to all that lies inside
Blind from my disguise
I’m sorry to not keep ties
(I hear identity theft is on the rise)
Look toward the skies
What happens when a dream dies?
Sudden fears arise
Rather than not keep ties
No tears will fall from these eyes
Don’t want to admit my heart size
Polish
She picked off her nail polish as a symbol that the weekend had passed.
School is getting serious, and so should she.
Lotion
So unimpressed
with that sticky lotion cream
smells so sweet
(like dirty old feet)
as if you’re from a dream
like a well-written movie
or something…
You lather yourself in
carelessly cool
yet, sophistically sexy.
If you were any such thing,
you wouldn’t have to rub it in.
Maybe you’d smell it,
but just enough so it didn’t get to your head.
Such a strong scent can make you dizzy, you know.
Remember that next time you decide to show
your lotioned side to the world
like a billboard of
“Look who I’m associated with.
This lotion will get you accepted!”
Side effects: May heighten sense of smell
and therefore decrease other feelings
like courtesy.
Lake
The lake is a mystery
Reflecting all that surrounds it,
Never eager to show it’s true depth.
Am I the lake?
Smile
She sits alone
surrounded by none
no one that knows
only impressed by the show
she’s quite the performer
been at it for a while
little did she know
how distracting was her smile
Now, that’s the trick!
but it makes a soul sick
you know how it goes
and yet, to some,
it never grows old
but a star will age
and eventually fade away
from the light that she once had
and the life that ultimately,
she made.
ABOUT: LOVE & LOSS
Pick-up Line
Hope I’m not just another one;
I like you more than summer likes the sun.
Fresh
The sun seems brighter today, with you
The grass seems greener
The air – a bit cleaner
People are less dense
the world makes more sense
Keyword: A
I turned the key to start the ignition and that’s when the tears came:
Happy, sad, excited, dreading tears.
When I got home, I began to recap the night,
And it hit me:
This is a real thing.
[I wanted to tell you that I love you,
but I hoped you already knew].
Leaving
The reflection made everything appear to have the same texture.
The rain didn’t look like rain on his face.
Somehow – like art – as if someone laid the pattern
onto the window, the gray felted back of the seat.
Regret
She’s looking for love
in all the wrong places.
With boys that want ass,
And not pretty faces.
She’s moaning the name
of a boy she wishes he was.
He doesn’t care –
he’s way too fucked up.
“This is nothing like love,”
she whispers under her breath.
She’s looking for romance
with boys who only want sex.
Key
I’m scared to lose you (do I have to?), and I don’t even have you.
You’re everything I’ve been waiting for, and that’s an understatement.
I want to be for you what you are to me (fall for you).
Unlock my heart, and throw away the key.
Set me free.
Rambling Heart
I want to think you’re out there.
I really want to believe,
but it’s hard when my brain tries to wrap around
every single meaning
of all the unsure motives.
You’re going to have to prove yourself.
I’m going to make you try,
and if I get the chance to,
I’ll probably want to cry.
I wasn’t asking for your love,
but I’ve been waiting all this time –
trying to put the pieces together
(Sometimes, I can’t help but to rhyme).
There I go time, time and again –
distracted from the point
and trying to pretend:
I don’t want him or he
and especially not you,
But to say you’re not the one for me,
now – that would be untrue.
A Gift
Pssst.
I have something for you –
A gift, yes indeed.
But in order to receive it,
There is something that I need.
Like a friend, first of all.
Someone that I can call.
Pick me up a listener while you’re at it,
preferably one that works.
Oh, those don’t exist you say?
“Nope – not even for the price
you were once willing to pay.”
Well, can you look for care?
They have to sell it somewhere.
Did you check online?
Department store’s aisle nine?
It’s getting pretty hopeless, it seems…
But there is one more thing.
If somehow, some way,
you can love me someday –
There’s a chance you might still receive
the gift that’s all of me.
Poems from the Past: Part II | 2010
Crash
Let go of your inhibitions –
Advice we all should take.
Really – I’m serious.
It’s our lives that are at stake.
Poems from the Past: Part III | 2011
Her Song
And in the face of today,
Life is perpetually boring.
Like these thoughts in my head
Like rain in the morning.
But the sun rises up
And shines off the trees.
Twirling around,
And greening the leaves.
When it’s all said and done,
What’s remembered was fun.
What’s forgotten was pointless,
But what’s lost still just…is.
What makes something last?
Not the night nor the day.
Because the sun goes away.
And the stars only shine
When the night is just right.
Warm or cold,
The heart keeps you young
The brain turns you old.
Poems from the Past: Part IV | 2000something
ABOUT: PHILOSOPHY & LIFE
Changes
Everything changes,
Nothing remains the same.
Not the good, bad, ugly, beautiful.
Can’t sleep.
A million thoughts;
skipping, screaming, walking, running.
A thousand questions,
searching.
A thousand answers,
hidden.
Something always changes –
Never to be found.
Nothing then everything.
Wrong and right.
Living or dying?
Everything is true
When nothing is false.
Pain and pleasure.
Save yourself
after it’s too early,
before it’s too late.
When everything changes,
Nothing remains the same.
I Want So Much More
I’m cheesy, probably too pleasey,
too safe and reserved.
How to push myself is what my thoughts observe.
I want to connect my wants with my actions and my traits,
but days run out of time,
and I simply cannot wait.
I want to know I can do it now –
just to be safe.
The last thing I want is to make a mistake.
I’m sure most of what I feel
applies to many more.
It’s just a phase,
It’s just my age,
But I want
so
much
more.
Anyhow
My insides spin
Turn and twist
Not my insides,
but the insides
of my most inner side.
Universe, lead me to peace.
Please,
please,
please.
Shells
For the most part –
on the surface,
the outside,
the shell.
Lindsey Noted. 